3 Ways to Define Success as a Mom

If you are reading this, you are probably also a MOM! First off, good for you for sitting and reading this.

You're probably holding a plastic unicorn or dinosaur plate, ravenously stuffing your face with your kid's leftover sandwich crusts, soggy chips, and half-eaten apple sticks. Maybe you're exhausted because you only slept three hours since the baby was up nursing half the night, and your toddler woke up puking and climbed into your bed. At the same time, you started loading the washing machine with puke-ridden bedsheets, stuffed animals, and precious lovies, and then, once awake for the day, you've downed three pots of coffee, eaten no food, are standing there with caffeine-induced shakes wondering why you have a headache and feel nauseous.

Maybe you're still wearing your clothes from yesterday, unbrushed hair thrown in a top knot (a sloppy one at that), and you're pretending that the grease that slicks it back is an aesthetic and "supposed to be that way."

If this is you, mama, I see you. I am you. I have been you.

Success? Is that even a word associated with motherhood? 

Just keeping the tiny humans alive and making it through to bedtime is as successful as it gets for you. 

Success for moms can mean a variety of things depending on the individual. The idea of success can look different for different moms. It may mean providing a safe and loving home for your children and watching them grow into successful adults. 

It may mean having a successful career while balancing family life. Ultimately, your goals and values define YOUR success as a mom.

3 ways to define success as a mom

Build a solid connection with your children and provide them with a safe and supportive home environment.  

Strong connections with your children can come in a multitude of ways. Some moms value the bond of reading books together before bed. Some moms know that because of their careers, they won't be home for bedtime every night, and their most significant connection with their child comes in the drive times. Research shows that children with consistent family meals around the table are more likely to succeed. We often think about this "research" and that if our children are not getting a family dinner each night, they will fail. This is far from the truth. Shoot for 2 or 3 per week. My focus has always been quality, not quantity. With four kids, we're constantly on the move. We make the times we are all together impactful and focused on connection.

Support your children's growth and development and help them reach their potential.

We all desire our children to be successful, but we focus too much on what success looks like on the outside. One thing I've learned as a parent is that my child's behavior is not a direct reflection of me. Also, my child's success is not a direct reflection of me. Parent's put so much pressure on their children based on their failings. It's our job to help them develop as individuals and determine what success looks like for them. As a parent, I focus on teaching my kids skills I know will set them apart—grit, mental toughness, hard work, and handling emotions. Focus on good habits and life-long skills instead of straigh A’s and captain of the football team.

Create a balanced and fulfilling lifestyle for yourself and your family.

Balance? What does that word mean anyway? Is it even achievable? I have reached the point where I do not believe that true balance exists. Shocking, I know. The scales will never be equal. In seasons you will focus on one area or one kid more, and that's normal! Something will always pull at you, and need more from you. On a day when you are home with a sick toddler, motherhood takes priority, and the balance between work and motherhood is "off. When your father passes away, and you need to fly home to be with your mother, family takes priority. When you have a major deadline or presentation at work, it's chicken nuggets and mac n cheese for dinner, work takes priority. Choosing church group or a work meeting, replying to client emails, or doing bathtime and bedtime with your kids, there are endless choices working mothers make daily that often throw off our "balance."  

Here's the kicker, chasing the idea of balance as a working mom will hinder your success in all areas, increase working mom guilt, and DRIVE YOU CRAZY!

So, how do we define success as mothers?

The best way to find true success is to connect with your child with quality time, support their success and let go of the idea of balance, realizing that setting intentional priorities will help you make the constant decisions in motherhood that define your success.